i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
