he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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