I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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