i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize