you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
