kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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