hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
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