Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
