You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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