Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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