haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
