your room smells of hookers.
And success
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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