Your mouth is God's brothel.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
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