i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
