I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
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