I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
