Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
