you traded sex for a burrito?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
So apparently I’m into choking now
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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