took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
you would pick up someone in the library
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
