she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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