Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Randomize
