You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Randomize
