It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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