so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
There r osticjed everywhere
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
