This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
