Non-Jews are for practice
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize