If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
