I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
