imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
