you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
