why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
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