the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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