I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
