Well douche your snatch and let's go!
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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