eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
