We're facebook friends in real life
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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