There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
