Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
