just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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