yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize