i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
There's always time for handjobs
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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