I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize