He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
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