stop calling my apartment porn island.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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