I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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