i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I want to have your abortion
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
