why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
