...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
