It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
