dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
