Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
