You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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