Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
