Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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