that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Even my vagina gasped.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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