Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
