I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I'm passing your future prison.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
