worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
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