Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
