Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
