Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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