Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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