Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
worst night to have a conscience
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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