I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
