Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Randomize
