Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
