I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
